Self Esteem
by BlackBattousai
Summary: My first every angsty fic...continued after long after thoughts about what I could've done with it...AU fic where Bit and the rest of them attend a music college in Boston...total B/L in later chapters...
1. Bit's Problem tuned to The Offspring

Self Esteem

Written by RavenZERO

This is just a vid-fic I came up with out of nowhere (I'm stuck at home 'cause I've got a fever, but I guess I needed a day off anyway.  Anyway, this is all about our favorite (gag) blonde-haired warrior, Bit Cloud!  Anyway, on with the fic!

[Video directions]

"Speech"

(Song lyrics)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

( ((Drunkenly)):La la la la la lalala…)

[Opening guitar riff begins, and we fade in on Bit Cloud, pacing back and forth nervously in a drab and old looking apartment.  He seems to be reciting something over and over again, but we can't hear what he is saying]

(I wrote her off for the tenth time of day,

Practiced all the things I would say…)

[A knock on the front door is heard, and Bit opens it.  There is a girl, sandy blonde hair, and green eyes, dressed in jeans and a black T-shirt. She looks at him with a quizzical expression]

"Bit, what's the matter?"

(She came over; I lost my nerve,

I took her back and made her dessert…)

[Cut to scene of her and Bit lying in his bed. The girl (lets call her Jessica) is asleep, and Bit is still awake, staring up toward the ceiling)

(I know I'm bein' used,

That's okay man, 'cause I like the abuse!

I know she's playin' with me,

That's okay 'cause I got no self-esteem!)

[Bit is still awake in his bed, and decides to get up, and walk around outside for an hour or two]

(Oh yeah! Yeah! Oh yeah! YEEEEEEEAAAAAAH! Oh yeah! Yeah! Oh yeah! YEEEEEEEAAAAAAH!)

[He walks back into the apartment an hour later, and finds Jessica awake and dressed.  They talk, and she leaves with a smile on her face.]

(We make plans, to go out a night,

I wait 'till 2, then I turn out the light…)

[Bit goes back to sleep, and wakes up a few hours later. He dials a number on the phone, and we see him talking with a happy expression, but his eyes show different…]

(All this rejection's got me so low,

If she keeps it up I just might tell her so…

Oh yeah! Yeah! Oh yeah! YEEEEEEEAAAAAAH! Oh yeah! Yeah! Oh yeah! YEEEEEEEAAAAAAH!)

[Bit stares at a picture of him and Jessica, at the beach, both of them smiling happily, for what seems like an eternity, then scowls at it, and slams it to the ground and shatters the glass frame into millions of tiny pieces.]

(When she's sayin' she wants only me,

Then I wonder why she sleeps with my friends.

When she's sayin' that I'm like a disease,

Then I wonder how much more I can spend.

Well I guess, I should stick up for myself,

But I really think its better this way…)

[Bit shuffles into his bedroom, and collapses on his bed, and starts to cry…] 

(The more you suffer,

The more it shows you really care…

Right?)

(Now I'll relate this little bit,

Happens more than I'd like to admit…)

[A knock is heard on the door suddenly, and he wipes away his tears, and walks to the door. He opens it, and it is Jessica, her face red, and her clothes ruffled.  Bit's nose twinges at the scent of alcohol.]

"You okay, Jess?"

[She almost passes out from how drunk she is, and pleads with Bit to do something…]

(Late at night, she knocks on my door,

Drunk again, and lookin' to score…)

(Now I know, I should say no,

But that's kinda hard when she's ready to go!

I may be dumb, but I'm not a dweeb,

I'm just a sucker with no self-esteem!)

[Bit swallows a lump in his throat, and picks her up by the shoulders gently, and helps her into the bedroom.  The door slams shut behind them…]

(Oh yeah! Yeah! Oh yeah! YEEEEEEEAAAAAAH! Oh yeah! Yeah! Oh yeah! YEEEEEEEAAAAAAH!)

[Cut to scene of Bit and Jessica lying in bed together.  Jessica is asleep, with her arms wrapped around Bit, who is still awake and staring up into the ceiling with his hands folded behind his head.]

(When she's sayin' she wants only me,

Then I wonder why she sleeps with my friends.

When she's sayin' that I'm like a disease,

Then I wonder how much more I can spend.

Well I guess, I should stick up for myself,

But I really think its better this way…)

[Bit looks at another picture of him and Jessica at an Offspring concert on his dresser, and picks it up.  He stares at it, remembering that day, as if it were yesterday…then he shakes his head in doubt.]

(The more you suffer,

The more it shows you really care,

Right?)

[He throws the picture of them at the concert into the nearby trash can, and turns over to go to sleep, gently moving her arm off him, taking one last look at her before he goes off into peaceful slumber…]

Well, that's all! For once, another serious fic by me! (Very rare, so enjoy them while you still can!)  Please, don't forget to review! PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE???


	2. Freeing the Soul

Thanks to the author Hanamaru285, I have been inspired to actually make this a real fic! It's a B/L fic, and probably the only one you'll ever see me writing, so learn to appreciate it while you still can! 

Chapter 2-Freeing the Soul…

Bit was tired. Tired of it all, being used as a sexual pincushion by a girl that didn't even think he was worth something, tired of being abused by her and her friends, and tired of everyone he knew looking down on him like he was a dog. He was sick of it, and the only way to end it would be to kill himself…or move to a different country. Both seemed like impossible ideas…

Jessica had gone home. It was morning, and she said there were a few things that she needed to take care of at her job before classes, so she would have to leave early.

Bit was now lying in his bed, at about half past noon, his Walkman on his head, blaring Korn's "Untouchables" CD, playing, "Alone I Break" at Max volume. His head was buried under a pillow, and his legs were sprawled all over the place.

There was a knocking at the door, and Bit somehow heard it.

"Who the hell is it?" He muttered bitterly to himself, slowly getting up, and shuffling towards the door.

"Its Brad, dude. Let me in, I've gotta tell ya somethin'!" A voice shouted from the other end of the door.

Bit grunted, and quickly opened the door, letting the older boy in the apartment.

"Where the hell were you, man? You missed the entire 'Rock Culture' class!" Brad asked curiously, raising an eyebrow, automatically walking in, and throwing his backpack onto the small table near Bit's kitchen.

(A/N: Basically, all of the warriors are normal kids going to a music college in Boston, Massachusetts. Brad (Age 20) is majoring in Rock and Roll culture with a minor in Jazz Method, Bit (Age 19) is majoring in the same thing, Naomi (Age 21) is majoring in 'Classical Rock Through the Ages', and Leon (Age 21) is majoring in 'Jazz and New Technology methods', and Jamie (Age 16) and Leena (Age 18) are both still attending highschool.)

"Was there any homework, or what?"

Brad nodded. "Yeah, but not much. Ya gotta write a song, lyrics, riff, and everythin' else. Professor said it's due by the end of next week…" He sighed, taking out his Walkman, and putting his copy of The Foo Fighters "One By One" CD in the tray. "So, what's wrong with ya? Ya don't look sick, man…"

"Jessica came over again…" Bit said sadly, bowing his head in dismay.

"Yeah, I can see that, judging by the fact that you're blasting 'Untouchables' as loud as the day is long…" Brad sighed bemusedly. "So, what'd ya do?" He asked seriously.

"We did it…" Bit sighed again, taking his headphones off his head.

"Bit, you know what she's doing to you, right?" Brad asked, taking out the notebook he brought along with him.

Bit nodded. "Uh-huh. She's been whoring it up with Van Flyheight for the past two months…"

"So, why the hell don't you just dump this girl already? God knows it would help you out mentally, wouldn't it?"

Bit nodded again.

"So why the hell are you being so goddamn stubborn?! If she's causing you this much pain, then just dump her, and move on with your life!"

"I tried that already!" He shouted, slamming his fist on the table. "I tried it, but every time I did, she would look at me with this puppy-dog expression, and would I totally melt!"

Brad quickly punched him in the back of the head angrily, making Bit rub his head in pain. "Ya friggin' idiot! That's exactly what she's been _tryin'_ to do to keep you in line! She knows that she has power over you ya moron!! Why can't you see that?!!"

"That's the problem; I _can_, and she knows it, too." He sighed, slamming his head onto the table.

Brad quickly took off his headphones, and grabbed Bit by the back of the shirt, slamming him against the wall, pinning him there with ease.

"Listen to me, you pathetic little bastard…" He growled, getting in Bit's face. "I am sick and tired of all of this shit! All day every goddamn day, for two months straight, all you've done is gripe and whine and complain about your stupid whore of a girlfriend to me, and I've tolerated it for this long. But I can't take it anymore!"

Bit shivered in fear.

"Do you know where we are right now? Do you know what precise location this is?!" The older boy shouted angrily.

Bit shook his head. "No clue…"

"The end of my rope! That is the exact location that we've reached!! All damn day you sit around, crying your eyes out because you're too cowardly and too shallow to be able to conduct yourself like an adult, or even a teenager for that matter!! And then, you come crying to me the first minute I walk in the door, after I'm done trying to live _my life to its potential, like I'm your fuckin' shrink!!"_

Bit shivered again.

"WELL GUESS WHAT?!! I DON'T HAVE A P.H.D, OR A BIG LEATHER COUCH, OR ONE OF THOSE LITTLE SKETCH PADS THAT THOSE BASTARDS USE TO DOODLE WHILE THEIR PATIENTS DRIBBLE ON AND ONE ABOUT THEIR LIVES!!! I'M A GUY, JUST LIKE YOU, AND I MAKE MISTAKES, JUST LIKE YOU!!!  WE'RE BOTH THE SAME!!" He shouted in his face.

"NO BRAD, WE'RE NOT THE SAME!! YOU'RE DOING EVERYTHING YOU'VE EVER WANTED TO, AND IT COMES EASY TO YOU!!! BUT ME?!! HELL NO!! I'M THE DIRECT OPPOSITE OF YOU!! I DON'T HAVE ANY AND EVERY GIRL FAWNING OVER ME, I DON'T HAVE THAT CHANCE!!! I'VE GOTTA TAKE WHAT I CAN GET!!!"

Brad dropped him to the floor, and looked at him, a disgusted look in his eyes. "You're right. We're not the same. You're too pathetic and shallow to be my equal…you're nothing but a puppy! A pathetic little whimpering puppy-dog!"

Bit's eyes began to well up with tears. "Shut up! You don't understand!"

Brad raised an eyebrow, and smirked. "That's the problem, little man; I _fully_ understand you. I was just like you back in highschool…never had any confidence…"

"So, what's with the new attitude?" Bit asked spitefully.

"Simple. I realized what a fucking asshole I was acting like. Grow some balls, man! For chrissakes, just do that for the rest of the goddamn world…you know it'd do us all some good…" He grunted, sitting down again. "I'm sorry I yelled at ya, Bit. That was outta line…"

"No, it wasn't!" Bit said suddenly. "You brought up a good point, Brad."

"Okay, thanks. So, can ya promise to do that for me?"

Bit slowly rose off of the floor, and nodded. "Sure…thanks a lot, I owe ya…"

Brad smiled, and waved him off. "Nah, ya don't owe me anythin', kid…just remember this little talk, got that?"

"Okay, but if I ever do think about her again, I'm gonna need somethin' to vent my frustrations…"

"Ah, try writin' that song, eh? Besides, we're gonna hafta perform them if we wanna get even remotely decent grades…"

Bit groaned, and almost laughed. "Man, Professor Wantaki may be built like the Titanic, but she's as frigid as the Antarctic…" He chuckled.

"So, we've got two guitarists, but we need a bass and a drummer…" Brad sighed heavily, drumming on the table with his fingers.

"Ah, let's worry about that later…I still need someway to vent my frustrations. 'Untouchables' is starting to lose its buzz…" Bit said, shutting off his Walkman.

"What, is Korn some type of a drug now?" A voice asked from behind them.

Brad turned around. "Oh, hey Leon, wassup?" 

"Hey guys. What's goin' on? I heard yellin' before…" The older boy asked inquisitively.

"I was vocalizing to Bit he needs to dump that Jessica chick…" Brad said coolly.

"What, ya mean Jessica The Lightning Saix?" Leon asked in surprise.

"Why do they call her 'Jessica the Lightning Saix?" Bit asked cluelessly.

Both Brad and Leon looked at him in surprise, and both started cracking up at his stupidity.

"Easy, man. When she's done with you, ya really feel the G's!" Leon managed to say through all the laughs.

Bit sighed, and started laughing as well.

"Well, seeing as she's left her mark on you, we're gonna need to go out to a bar, get you plastered, and make sure you forget about the whole thing…" Leon sighed, sitting down at the small table.

"But I'm not 21…"

"Your point?" Bard asked, raising an eyebrow. "Naomi will help us out. Don't worry…"

"Okay…" he sighed. "But for the record, I'm going to say that this plan is crazy…"

"Whatever. That's what ya always say!" Leon said as he sat down next to Bit and Brad. "But, I'm gonna hafta bring my sister along…dad's away on business again…"

"Aw crap!" Brad sighed irritably. "I hate it when she hangs out with us, she cramps my style!"

"How old is she?" Bit asked curiously.

"Eighteen."

"Oh, okay. I can live with that, as long as she doesn't bother me."

"You won't hafta worry about that, man…"

Later that evening… 

Bit's custom car, the "Liger Zero" as he had lovingly dubbed it, raced through the streets of Boston like a bat out of hell.

It screeched to a stop in front of a bar called "The Happy Fox," its white paint shining brilliantly in the dim glow of the streetlights, and the glint catching especially well of the word "ZERO" written in red paint, painted on the doors of the custom car.

Bit quickly locked up the white convertible, pulled the top over it to make sure that nobody would steal it, and patted the hood lovingly.

"I'll see ya later, buddy…" He murmured happily.

The engine whined loudly. "Nah, don't worry. I won't crash ya. Leon's gonna take us home…"

The engine made a smaller whining noise. "Okay, I will. Seeya!"

Brad and Leon looked at Bit funny, and Bit tossed Leon the keys.

"I keep forgetting how ya do that…" He said after a few moments.

"To be completely honest, I don't remember either…" Brad added curiously.

Bit paid them no mind, and started on his way into the bar.

Brad quickly led them to the counter, and sat down, whistling to get the bartender's attention.

"Oh, hey Brad. I see you've brought your buddies again…" Naomi sighed in a slightly disappointed manner.

Brad smiled. "Well, it ain't totally for me today, babe. We've gotta get Bit so drunk he can't even remember his own name…"

She raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"'Cause this is when Bit's gonna dump that Jessica bitch…" Leon interrupted suddenly.

Naomi nodded in affirmation, and started pouring him a beer. "No, he's gonna need somethin' stronger…"

"Well…I could give him some of the scotch, but…" She said, looking at the floor guiltily.

"But what?" Bit asked suddenly.

"Well…my boss said that if he saw me givin' it to anybody under 20, he'd fire me…" She thought for a moment, and started pouring the scotch, after looking around a few times. "One glass. That's all ya get, Cloud. May it do you some good."

Bit looked at the shot glass funny, and downed it in one gulp, barely tasting the dry liquid in his mouth, washing down the pain and sorrow he felt, replacing it with a warm feeling in his stomach.

"Wow!" he exclaimed, slamming the glass onto the counter with renewed vigor and energy. "That was great!"

Naomi smiled, and poured him a beer, sliding him the mug. "That one was on the house, kid. But his one's full price…"

"Leon! Where are you?!!" A female voice shouted from the crowd of dancing people.

"What? Oh, hey Leena, hey Jamie. What's up?" The older boy asked.

The red haired girl sighed, and shrugged. "Jamie said he needed to go out and get some air, and wanted to hang out, so I brought him with me…"

"Whatever. He's cool, so we don't mind." Brad said, sipping his beer with a sly grin. "But you, on the other hand, girly, we're not so lenient about…"

"What's that supposed to mean?!!" She shouted in a huff.

"Oh, I haven't introduced you to the reason we're here tonight…" Leon said, gesturing to Bit with his arms broadly, hoping to stop the conflict that was brewing.

"Huh?"

"Leena, this is Brad's roommate, Bit Cloud. He's a freshmen in the college."

Bit shook her hand, and smiled. "Hi."

"Hi." She said, rather unenthusiastically.

"Well, Jamie, how's the Raynos running these days, eh?" Naomi asked, wiping off a beer glass with a rag.

"Oh, it runs as smooth as a cheetah in the springtime…" The younger boy responded, with a smug look on his face.

"And Bit, what about the Liger? How's that piece of machinery been running lately?"

"Like a cheetah in the summertime on speed and caffeine pills…" He gleamed, polishing off his beer rather quickly. He slammed his fist on the counter. "Bartender, gimme another!"

"What's the magic word?" Naomi asked in a motherly tone of voice.

"'Now?'" He asked cluelessly.

Naomi shook her head in disbelief, muttering something about kids today and their lack of manners, and quickly fetched him another beer.

"Thank you." Bit said as she handed him another beer.

"Well, your welcome, Cloud." She said, obviously happy with his attitude change.

Four beers later… 

"Bit, you feelin' okay?" Leon asked, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Yeah, I feesh fine…" He grunted, slurring his speech.

"Maybe he's had enough guys?" Jamie asked, sipping some of the soda he bought a while ago.

"Nah, not yet." Brad said, downing the rest of his coffee quickly. "Naomi, give him another one, please."

"Yeah, sure…" She sighed, not sure herself if Bit could take another one.

She gave it to him, and he downed half of it in one gulp. "That can't be healthy…" She said to herself.

The doors near the front whooshed open, revealing Jessica and her group of friends, each bubbling with delight at the prospect of meeting more guys.

She started to stray away from the rest of them, and slowly began to make her way to the bar. Obviously, she had noticed that Bit was there.

"Well, here she comes. Make me proud, kid." Brad said, getting up, and patting Bit on the shoulder.

"Wish you luck." Leon said, motioning for Jamie and his sister to get up and follow him to the other end of the room.

Leena didn't know what was going on, but she smiled at Bit, and whispered, "Same here. Good luck, Bit Cloud."

Bit looked up, and gave her a sly grin as she walked off, and he downed the rest of his beer in an attempt to steel his nerves.

Jessica came, and sat down beside him, nudging him in the side. "Hi, Bitty. Having a drink?"

"That's nunna yer busishness…" Bit slurred, facing the blonde-haired girl with a fierce look in his eyes.

"What the heck's your problem?" She huffed in annoyance. She called over Naomi, and ordered a Cherry Coke.

"You, ya bitch." Bit sighed again as it came to her. "Can I have another one?" He asked Naomi as she began to walk away.

"Um, Bit, don't you think you've had enough already?"

He slammed his fist on the table. "I'll tell ya when I've had enough!! Now gimme another!!"

Naomi stiffened, but complied with his request, and gave him another one. "Here ya go."

Jessica touched his arm in a concerned sort of way, but Bit shrugged her off in agitation.

"What the hell's your problem, Bit?!!" She shouted at him.

Bit faced her, and started to laugh. "Ya wanna know what my problem is? It'sh you!! All ya do ish whore it up with guysh! Ya don't care about their emotionsh and their feelingsh, ya just stomp all over 'em and move onta the next one!!"

Jessica's lip quivered in sadness. "That's not true, Bitty…I love you…" She whispered, touching his arm.

Bit shook his head, and laughed again, as if he had been told a funny joke. "No ya don't! If ya really did, then I wouldn't be in this situatshun in the first place! Ya don't know what love ish, because ya can't feel anyone else'sh feelingsh! Yer a heartless bitch! I hope ya jump offa cliff an' die ya asshole!"

Her eyes widened in a pained way, and her jade eyes began to well up with tears. "Bit…stop this…you meanie…" She sobbed.

"'Meanie?!!' Ish that all I am?! Then you must be the queen of evil hershelf!" Bit chuckled to himself, and waved her away. "I'm not gonna continue this convershation anymore…I never wanna shee you again…"

"Does that mean…that you're breaking up with me?" She asked, sniffling back the tears that were fighting their way out of her eyes.

Bit nodded. "Yeah, and I hope ya have a merry life in hell…" He said, his green eyes flashing at her fiercely.

She tried to fight off the tears that were making their way out of her eyes.

The tears finally won, and she ran out of the bar as fast as she could, sniffling and crying into her arm.

Jessica's friends, who had been rudely eavesdropping, all simultaneously glared at Bit with hatred unmatched by anything he had ever seen.

Bit flipped them off with both hands and a smile on his face, and they tore out of the bar after their distraught friend.

Brad and the rest of the gang, who had also been eavesdropping, all walked over, patting Bit on the shoulder, giving him their congratulations and kudos.

"Great job, kid!" Brad exclaimed, patting the blonde on the shoulder.

"Yeah, I agree! Ya did great, Bit!" Leon agreed, putting his arm around Bit's shoulder in a playful fashion.

Leena looked at the door, then back at them with a sad expression on her face. "Guys, that was cruel…you made her cry…"

"Well, all things considered, that was fair treatment…" Brad grunted seriously.

"'Fair treatment?'" She repeated curiously.

Brad nodded. "Yeah, that chick's been cheatin' on him for two months with some guy named Van Flyheight…"

"Van Flyheight?!" She repeated again, this time in surprise. "I thought he was dating Fiona!"

"What? He is?"

"Well, I thought so, but I always thought that guy was a sleaze…" Leena growled, clenching her fists in anger.

"Huh?" Brad asked quizzically.

"She went out on a date with Van once to the movies…" Leon chuckled. "…And she's hated him ever since. And to make matters worse, Fiona's her best friend." He added, still chuckling.

"Yeah, but I only hate him because he tried to get his hands down my pants during the previews!" She fired back.

Everyone started laughing. "What? It's true! I must've slapped him a few hundred times after that…" She continued, putting her hands on her hips.

"Yeah, his face was so swollen up after that that he couldn't even fit into his football helmet at practice the next day!" Jamie chirped in, almost doubling over due to the amount of laughter escaping his mouth.

"Well, I guess its time for us to take Bit home…"

Bit didn't answer; for said student had fallen asleep with his head on the counter and the beer next to his hand completely drained of liquid.

Black: Well, that's the end of this chappy!

Nikita: Yeah, we'll try to keep Black contained until he posts a new one, so he's gotta go!

Black: You can't lock me up forever!

Naomi: (holding a shotgun) Okay, time to go, Black.

Black: No WAY!! You'll never take me alive

Naomi: (BLAM!! BLAM!! BLAM!!)

Black: (shivering) O-okay, fine…


End file.
